Distracted

Not going to law school… (not yet, at least, but there goes $145 wasted in LSAT prep materials).

Met a very special someone very unexpectedly, and as a result, this blog has been shoved onto the back burner.

I will attempt to do my own taxes this year (yay!)

I have absolutely no energy to blog for this next week. I’m about to be an aunt, and am working my butt off to get all my projects finished at work so I can spend time wallowing in the much anticipated birth of my baby niece!

Anxiety

I’m nervous about a lot of things.
Nothing imminent.
Life is just nerve-wracking at the moment.
I feel short of breath.
I might pass out.

Looking Down

I am notorious for creating pros/cons lists.

What most people don’t know: my pros/cons lists always change. I’m so indecisive, I even cheat at my own games against myself just to change the outcome. By placing myself in any situation, I have mentally prepared myself to accept any opportunity or misfortune.

So I am never ignorant of the possibilities.

I’m such a ‘yes’ woman, it’s frightening to realize my own naiveté.

I have such a great imagination, I fool myself most of the time.

Today was one of those days where I wanted to be someone else, cover my head with the pillow and pretend the sunrise would not rouse me. Rather, I challenged myself, posing that if the sun chose to shine then I’d run away from me and escape from being stuck in this so-called American life. To shed the conventional wisdom of work, family, house, wealth, debt — to forget the past twenty-odd years, maybe make a difference.

But we are so insignificant. Merely specks on this tiny planet in this lowly galaxy in this ever-expanding universe. What effect could I possibly have on something as expansive as a universe – a universe our feeble minds could never comprehend? The sun will die, planets will evolve, people and animals will die. And it was with that realization that I covered my head and slept in for another hour.

I can’t seem to shake this feeling of being stuck, where no matter how drastically I change my lifestyle or answer the call to service, it only matters to those who live in the present. Our memories die with us, and alter with each passing generation.

Forgive me for the pessimism, but I’m tired of fooling myself.  I understand we create our own realities, but I can’t seem to shake this feeling of defeat, and that greatly affects my entire reality.

Update: Resolutions

7. Volunteer with three organizations 

Okay, I had a head start from last year, but my challenge is to stay with the organizations throughout the year.

When KWMU (our local NPR station) needs volunteers to answer the phone lines during their fund drives, I’m there. I can’t afford to give my favorite radio station money, so I devote my time.

In November, I applied to join St. Louis ARC to assist as a facilitator for their book club. Once a week, I join a group of adults and read delightful books. I’m moving locations this week, which means a new faces, new personalities, and new friends.

And finally, for the next month I will undergo training to answer a crisis hotline once a week. No doubt, this will be the most stressful, yet rewarding position.

Maybe it’s the lazy MLK Monday or my Obama Inaugural trance-like state I’m in, but I can’t seem to focus on writing. I’m pissed I can’t watch the inaugural speech live, and even more pissed I’ll be at work when it happens. Obama mania is at its prime!

My Saturday Morning

I have a delightful Saturday morning ritual that helps me de-stress from a tough week at work. I do what I want, when I want, and take as much time as I need.

Waking to my alarm at 8am and hitting snooze every 5 minutes for the next hour, I stumble to my coffee grinder and pour a gluttonous amount of beans. Aside from the battle with the alarm and the small victories from my friend Snooze, my first decision of the day is to choose which coffee maker to use – french press, drip, or the percolator. Typically, it’ the first.

Open the blinds, water the plants, and turn on the computer. I find my iTunes with the KWMU-HD radio station saved on my playlist. For the next few hours, I have company via radio waves.

After heating a frozen quiche and a kiwi (not joking, my favorite breakfast), I shove the week’s pile-up of laundry, trash and junk mail from my table and clear a spot for eating. This is my favorite part of the day. Eating a fabulous breakfast alone before feeling the weight of daily burdens on your shoulders, I can reflect on how lucky I am to have a home, good health, and an appetite.

From 10-1, I clean my apartment. Slowly. I dust and inspect my beloved possessions and recall how I acquired each item. Straighten the bookshelves. Clean the bathroom. Vacuum. I could go on with the list of all the chores I do around the home, but I won’t bore you with that.

My second favorite part of the day is looking up soup recipes and preparing a grocery list. Sunday is cooking day.

Finally, I throw on a coat and gather the recyclables and head out to Kirkwood’s recycling bins and hit up Trader Joe’s while I’m in the area.

That’s it, that’s my Saturday morning ritual.

Law School Drama

I am so relieved Law School and Grad School applications only require  a two-page personal statement.

However, I am utterly stressed with LSAT prep.

A Winter’s Eve Chili

This is a vegetarian recipe. I prefer using Boca Ground Crumbles for obvious nutritional reasons, but turkey sausage or ground beef is also acceptable. If using poultry, replace vegetable stock with chicken stock; for ground beef, use beef stock. This chili recipe is mild in nature, but adding a jalapeño pepper before letting chili simmer will kick up the spice.

• 1 large white onion, chopped
• 10 cloves of garlic, minced
• 5 tablespoons of extra virgin olive oil
• 1 lb. of Boca Ground Crumbles
• 4 cups of vegetable stock
• 4 cups of water
• 2 – 15 oz. cans of red kidney beans, rinsed with water*
• 2 – 15 oz. cans of diced tomatoes (preferably stewed in chili powder)**
• 1 – 15 oz. can of tomato sauce
• 1 – 6 oz. can of tomato paste
• 1 green bell pepper, chopped
• 1 red bell pepper, chopped
• 2 tsp celery salt
• 2 Tbsp oregano
• 3 bay leaves
• 2-3 Tbsp chili powder
• salt and pepper for taste
• 1 jalapeño pepper, halved  (optional)

1. Add first three ingredients to a large pot on medium heat for about two minutes, or enough to make the onions “sweat”, stirring occasionally. Add Boca Crumbles and stir onion, garlic, and olive oil sauce to coat Crumbles. 

2. Add beans, then vegetable stock and stir ingredients; add water and stir. Turn down the heat to a simmer.

3. Add each of the canned tomato ingredients slowly, stir and let simmer.

4. Dice and add peppers for color and flavor. If the peppers make the chili seem too chunky, cut peppers into tiny pieces in a food processor.

5. Add spices and season with salt and pepper to taste. Stir to ensure all flavors meld together. Cover pot and let simmer for 30 minutes, stirring occasionally. Serves 8.

*You may also buy dried kidney beans, but beans must soak overnight prior to making chili. To protect your dignity and good name in social circles, you may want to “de-gas” the beans using baking soda.

**For less sodium and more lycopene, replace canned diced tomatoes by dicing one pound of Roma tomatoes.

New Year Resolutions – 2009

1. Score at minimum 160 on the LSAT
2. Apply to 5 schools
3. Shed 15 lbs.
4. Start a morning fitness routine
5. Take Suze Orman’s advice and save my money
6. Pay my parents back for my dining room table
7. Volunteer with three organizations — two down, one to go
8. Commit half of my grocery budget to buying locally produced foods
9. Compliment one person every day
10. Avoid turning into Road Rage Rita

2008 Cheers and Jeers

Cheers: The most exhilarating, nail-biting presidential campaign! I congratulate each candidate for having the guts to stretch their necks over the guillotine controlled by the public eye. Too few of us have the confidence to campaign when the odds of winning are certainly not on our side. Congrats to Barack Obama’s impressive campaigning and astounding victory. Truly still mind-blowing.

Jeers: Sarah Palin. I will not apologize for this Jeer. She has great potential to cultivate her political career, but McCain’s (forced) partnership with Palin ruffled my feathers. I still believe the McCain campaign only used her because of her sex and to serve as a Clinton surrogate to the orphaned Hilary supporters. Tsk Tsk.

Cheers: Stimulus package checks. Still not $750 billion I could use….

Jeers:  Hasty bailouts for mortgage brokers and automakers. I guess business plans and common sense got lost in the ever-expanding profit margins.

Cheers: A clause in the minimum wage bill, passed in 2006, requires wages rise and reflect the Consumer Price Index. Missouri minimum wages will rise from $6.50 to $7.05 at the stroke of midnight. Here’s to getting closer to affording groceries.

Jeers: The passage of a law that mandates all public forums in the state of Missouri may only conduct their meetings in English. Boo to xenophobia. Boo to thwarting immigrants (yes, there are legal immigrants around here) from attending town hall meetings to earn their citizen badge. I wonder if sign language is allowed?

Cheers: NBC’s “Lipstick Jungle” (a knock-off of HBO’s “Sex and the City”) will air it’s last show on Jan 9.

Jeers: Fox’s “Prison Break” not cancelled…

Oatmeal nurses hangovers

Actually, the texture of oatmeal made me gag even more. The title is a lie. Marathon television shows nurse hangovers.

It’s 3:00, I’m in my PJs, and haven’t brushed my teeth. I can’t leave the couch because my hangover is too powerful and I’m convinced the room is tilted and spinning on its own axis. A night with old friends I haven’t seen in months, drinking games, and 7&7, add up to a wonderful night ending with me clutching to a toilet.

Hope you all had a great holiday season! It’s about damn time we start a new year.